Tag Archives: Sobriety

I Love the Skin I’m In!

With creating my page on “gofundme.com” I feel like I’ve written a lot lately about my experience of dis-ease. So much so that I had to really take a look at this note a friend posted on Facebook (not sure who was being quoted):

“Never Own a Disease.
Reduce the amount of time that you talk about being ill.
Refuse to allow illness a place in your consciousness.”

I do not own this disease. I claim health and wholeness. Yet, I also know that it has been extremely important to honor the experience my body is having. It takes a lot of energy to resist something, and if I’m busy sending energy of resistance to the experience my body is having, then I’ve given it a place in my consciousness and the disease owns me.

It’s much like when I first owned the statement “I am an alcoholic.” I had to acknowledge that I was powerless over the disease, and in that surrender I opened the door for true healing to take place. It has been important to take the time to be fully in the consciousness out of which the illness was created so that I could let go and move from that consciousness into what I know to be True.

One of the most important tools I can use on this journey is affirmative prayer. We condition our consciousness through what we focus on with our thoughts and feelings—and if we are focusing on illness we are conditioning our consciousness to express illness. In order to change the experience we must change the conditioning. Let me give you one simple example. On this journey I have now released over 80 lbs, and in doing my due diligence to be aware of what I was holding in consciousness, I realized that I was freaking out about the extra folds of skin. This focus was getting in the way of me releasing further weight. During a conversation with Lovey Jane Van Benthusen about this she suggested loving my skin. I followed her recommendation to purchase a natural brush, which she suggested I use to brush my skin several times a day. What a wonderful new focus. Haven’t made it to several times a day—however this has been one of the most transforming experiences I’ve ever taken on.

keep-calm-and-love-your-skin-5I started off with the simple denial and affirmation while I was in the shower. As I brushed off my skin (denial/release) I affirmed “I love the skin I’m in.” Fairly quickly this became a song that has become my mantra, conditioning my consciousness to truly rejoice in the gift of this physical body. Did you know that the skin is the largest single organ in the body? I had learned that at some point—however I didn’t realize the impact that truly, consciously, joyfully loving the skin I’m in would bring. Try it sometime…you won’t be disappointed.

Within a week of living with this song running through my life “I love the skin, the skin I’m in…I love the skin I’m in” people were stopping to tell me that whatever I was doing it was making a positive difference. This has become about more than loving the outer covering of this physical body. It has become about loving being IN this skin and affirming that right here and right now I am an expression of health and wholeness, whole and complete in every way.

Does that mean I don’t still have to deal with the symptoms of dis-ease that are moving through this physical, mental and spiritual body? No. It does, however, give me a whole new perspective and tools to deal with whatever I may experience—to transform any dis-ease I may be experiencing. This morning at the gym I was half way through my cardio and felt the resistance. I wanted to stop. I began to sing “I love the skin, the skin I’m in…I love the skin I’m in.” Next thing I knew I had surpassed my goal and felt great, too!!

Healing Happens

So, how do we know when healing happens? I know what it feels like to need a healing; however, I’m not so sure I know what it feels like to be healthy. That feels very sad, as I know that my true nature is one of pure health and wholeness. It seems to me that in the past health has been in my consciousness awareness only when my physical experience appears to be something less than pure health. That is changing.

I remember that the first time the experience of this Erdheim Chester Disease ended up with me in the hospital, I had been praying the words “Father, heal me at depth.” These came from the Grace Prayer that I learned in a class I took at Unity Village many years ago—little did I know the journey that they would lead me on. As I walk through this experience, transforming my life to express my true wholeness, I continue to challenge myself at depth—to question the words I use and the thoughts behind them in situations that I might have glossed over in the past.

I was complimented last week on the weight I’ve released, and I heard myself respond “Thank you…I am on a doctor-ordered vegan diet.” I could have left it at “Thank You.” Instead I made it seem as if the diet I’ve been on for less than two months had everything to do with the 65 lbs. I’ve released over the past two years. There have been numerous things that have contributed to my weight loss–including the support of Donna Rose in getting me to a gym three days a week while I lived in Manhattan, KS. I’ve come to realize that with my trip to Mayo Clinic in December I had stopped going to the gym. Somehow this diagnosis had gotten in the way of my way.

In February I received another diagnosis—a dysfunctioning gall bladder. The standard response is to remove the gall bladder. Neither my doctor nor I felt like that was the thing to do—therefore the vegan diet. Something I could embrace and experience immediate positive results. Easier said than done.

This past few months has been much like the journey to become sober. For years I invested all my energy into focusing on what I didn’t want to do—take that next drink—which only lead to me doing exactly that. It’s no surprise that what I was focused on, investing all my time and energy on, came to pass in my life. My sobriety came by learning to invest my energy in focusing on what I wanted in my life. It didn’t take long before I realized that I was investing my energy in what I couldn’t eat, and sabotaging myself in the process.

I feel such gratitude for this experience. I have wanted to make different choices in regards to the food that entered my body—and it hasn’t happened. This has placed me on an escalated path to understanding what is going on in my own creative process to keep that from happening. I don’t have the answers to know where this is leading—except to know that I am learning to recognize and face the resistance and to make choices that support my own physical wellbeing.

There has been a huge upside to taking the time to blog about this—I’m starting back at the gym with a personal trainer I worked with before. I’ve also started having conversations about starting a Zumba class, and I’ve found some great Vegan websites with recipes that I joyfully find fulfilling (I love to bake!).

Wherever this experience is taking me—Lord, heal me at depth. TODAY I choose to be an expression of health and wholeness. TODAY I celebrate each step on the journey.